


Alcohol And Unrequited Feels Don't Mix

by boffmen



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (actually who am i kidding john isnt homo enough for dave), (wait how do you measure homo anyways), Aged Up Everyone, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Homos, M/M, a lotta shit goes down, and the author ships john and alcohol, becuz dat is obvi a gud ship duh, but mainly, dave is not homo enough for john, first fic, i wanted to put a spin of the "classic" johndave fic sooo, in which john tries to say some shit, john is drunk, real tags start here, sorry this sucks, thats the whole fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-25
Updated: 2012-11-30
Packaged: 2017-11-19 13:04:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/573600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boffmen/pseuds/boffmen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John gets drunk and says some stuff that no one really wants to read.<br/>Dave stays sober until he decided to get drunk, and then he fucks up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. John Is Drunk

**Author's Note:**

> Warning shitty writing and ooc-ness ahead.
> 
> Please turn back now.
> 
> Also everything MAY be blue
> 
> So uh  
> Lets see his well I formatted this shall we?  
> EDIT: I'll format the rest once I get home  
> EDIT: I DONT UNDERSTAND FORMATTING HOW DO I GET IT TO DO WHAT I WANT  
> HOPEFULLY THE LAST EDIT: FUCK YES I GOT THE FORMATTING TO WORK

Your name is John Egbert and you are an idiot. 

You literally cannot believe what you just did. 

You were sitting in front of your computer, staring at the blue text on the screen that clashed with the red. It hurt your eyes, but they looked nice together.

\-- ectobiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

EB: hey daveee.   
TG: sup john  
EB: dave dave i have to tell you sumthing okay?  
TG: finally admitting that nic cage sucks and that im awesome  
EB: nix cage is toal dave you know thst!  
TG: sure he is now whats up egbert  
EB: its reelly weird so don't like  
TG: egbert whats wrong  
EB: what do yoi mean?  
TG: are you drunk  
TG: tell me youre not drunk egbert

(You were drunk. Very drunk.)

EB: i'm not drunk!!!  
EB: see look.  
EB: perfect syndex.  
TG: do you know how long that took you  
EB: no...  
TG: twenty five minutes john  
TG: twenty  
TG: five  
TG: minutes  
EB: no ir hasn't been that ling!11  
TG: whatever john  
TG: just tell me whats up  
EB: whst makes you think somethings up  
TG: youre drunk  
EB: mayne i like to get drink!!!!  
TG: that had to be the most ironic thing youve ever done john  
TG: i applaud you  
TG: so stop bullshitting me  
TG: you even said you had something to tell me so spill  
EB: spikk?  
TG: no  
TG: spill  
TG: as in spill the beans  
TG: youve been throwing rocks at the can  
TG: its tipping over  
TG: the bean spilling is unavoidable  
EB: wat  
TG: wow are you even trying john  
EB: um  
TG: john  
TG: what that fuck is going on  
EB: i like you  
TG: yeah no shit  
EB: ni!!  
EB: i mwna  
EB: stile typos  
TG: dude i have no fucking idea what you are trying to say  
TG: sorry but i dont speak drunk  
EB: >3  
TG: what kind of emote is that  
EB: nchdhsoskdheu  
TG: worse emote ever  
EB: noooo  
EB: fukc ir  
EB: w8  
TG: ew eight  
EB: i live u  
TG: wow nice egbert im glad youve decided to let me know how you live your life  
TG: i feel honored  
EB: PMH  
EB: IBIJNFEGBKJBGKJREKJBWKJBNGRKBREKJBGPWKJ3T43J'W3RTF34JFT432=TGF

————————

==> Be worried.

You cannot be worried because the person you think you are isn't worried he is exasperated and really wants to be sober and not the idiot that he is!

You are actually Dave Strider.

And you are worried as fuck.

You are worried because you are pretty sure you know what your best bro is trying to say through his drunkenness, you are pretty sure you know why he got drunk, and you are 100% sure you do not want him to say what he wants to say so desperately, he got drunk off his ass to do.

You also happen to know that John does not handle his alcohol well. As in, one can and he's already tipsy. Three cans and he's already drunk. Five cans? He's talking about pranking the president

By putting a bucket over the door to his bedroom. (You once had to cancel a flight to DC because of this.)


	2. John, Just Stop Fantasizing

==> You can now be the drunkie. Hey you're not a drunkie! This is the first time that you've ever even <em>gotten</em> drunk! But whatever, you are much to drunk to even be scolding the narrator.

Besides, you have to worry about Dave and whether or not he's figured it out or not. You had been hoping that he would've gotten it, and that the conversation would've ended with something along the lines of this: 

>   
>  EB: so yeah i really like you.  
> TG: thats  
> TG: thats really fucking awesome egbert im so happy  
> TG: egbert lets get married  
> EB: can it be nic cage themed?  
> TG: i wouldnt have it any other way  
> TG: :D  
> TG: wait i forgot my shades  
> TG: BD  
> EB: dave i love so much!  
> EB: <3  
> TG: <3   
>    
> 

Okay so _maaaaaybe_ that was a bit unrealistic.

now lets get back to pestering orrrrrr?

**Author's Note:**

> If youre reading this I am happy because someone actually read this WOOOOOP


End file.
